I invite you to join me on my journey. My journey of motherhood. All journeys are difficult, and all journeys are different, but this journey is mine. I will talk about where I came from, where I am now and how I got here.
Let me introduce myself. I am a 47 year old mother of four boys (29, 27, 23 &16). An active mother of two, and an “inactive” but still very proud grandmother of two. It’s been 7 months since I’ve seen my two oldest children or my grandchildren. Dealing with estrangement is not something I ever imagined would be part of my life. It’s the most depressing, embarrassing, humiliating, and both saddest and maddening situation I’ve ever been in. The questions you ask yourself are hard, and the answers even harder. The surprise however, is that the answers you actually find are not what you expected.
For the first time in my life, I am learning that I am not responsible for the choices my children make once they are old enough to choose right and wrong. As mothers, we can only do so much, teach all we can, but one day our children will be responsible for their own choices.
“I TAUGHT THEM BETTER THAN THAT” passed over my lips countless times. But at the same time that I said those words, my ‘mother guilt’ set it and told me how horrible of a mom I must have been. What I am finally accepting is that our children may become someone we dont know. But we need to realize that can happen despite us, not because of us.
I’ll be honest. My therapist suggested I start blogging. So here I am, not sure what I’m supposed to be doing, but if nothing else, I’m putting my thoughts on paper ie screen, and hopefully someone else who has a similar story can benefit from mine. Worst case….someone gets a good laugh? I guess we will see.