Be Aware

My last post I gave you a quick analogy of my teenage years.  Not because I want to sing you a self-pity song, but to in fact make sure all of my cards are on the table so that you can see what angle I am coming from.  I believe the better I paint the picture, the more sense my ramblings will make to you. 

With so many insecurities, how is a mother supposed to teach her children to believe in themselves and she doesn’t even know how to believe in herself?  What can happen to a mother/child relationship if the mother has so many insecurities?  Just because a mother is insecure, doesn’t necessarily mean she will teach her children to be insecure.  In fact, I wonder how common it is for the insecure mother to unintentionally raise an “over secure” child because often times, a mother will try to fix the things that we don’t like about ourselves or our lives, with the intention of protecting them.  Perhaps when our children are young, they don’t even recognize these insecurities. However, once they are old enough, do they recognize the signs?  Do they learn this as normal behavior, or do they see it as a weakness.  If they see it as a weakness, do they take advantage of the situation and use it to their fullest advantage?  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe our children young or old are heathens just trying to take advantage of us any chance they get.  However, I do believe it’s natural for anyone to use a situation to their advantage when possible.  After all, don’t most people live with survival of the fittest mentality? 

Gaslighting, the perfect storm for manipulators when used on insecure people.   This is a term I was introduced to this past year.  It’s interesting how often this happens both intentionally and unintentionally, almost fascinating in fact.  Wikipedia defines gaslighting: 

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity.

Is the person who uses this form of manipulation using it intentionally?  Are they taking advantage of an insecure person for their own benefit?  I suppose some use it purposely with the sole intention of emotional hurt to another, while I can’t help but wonder if this tactic might be used by some insecure people as a protective mechanism for themselves.  With that in mind, it seems to me that there may be much more insecurity amongst us than we realize.  Perhaps the bullies, manipulators, and abusers are also insecure people, but instead of being emotionally weak, they have found that scaring others is their best way to protect themselves and their insecurities.  There’s an interesting thought, the bully is just as insecure as the person being bullied.  The difference then, only being how each individual chooses to deal with their insecurities.  Is it possible that the reality of any individual actually being secure in themselves is only a myth?   

Published by Dazedmother

I'm a middle aged working woman. I have raised four boys of which my baby is 17. Motherhood began at age 17 for me. For 30 years every choice I've made was as a mother. This past year, two of my sons have decided life is better without me. I'm a mom, a grandma, a wife that was divorced and now remarried. Here I am, still trying to figure out this thing called life.

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