My babys birthday is in 5 days and he will be 17 years old. When I look at him I see such a strong young man. He is funny, he is smart, he is honest, he is loving, he is hard working. He is my miracle baby.  When I was pregnant with him I was quite ill.  I had gestational diabetes, I had toxemia, most every food made me sick, and my kidneys weren’t functioning at 100%. I was put on bedrest 2 months before my due date. A few days later I went into labor, a hectic search for my husband, a crazy drive to the hospital and an emergency C-section later…my miracle son was born.

Leaving the hospital without him was horrible.  I remember walking out of the hospital with my husband and a nurse next to another mom, dad and their newborn.  That was the saddest I had ever been to that point in my life.  Next was going home to tell his brothers was hard, but his 6 year old brother was crushed. He wanted to hold his little brother SO BAD.

I used to think my first two children had such tough childhood because they didn’t have their biological dads.  I realize now that yes that is tough, but even though they never had them around, it’s all they knew.  And…they always had their mom with them.  My younger two sons however, their story is different.  I realize everyone has their sad story and less than perfect childhood, so again, I’m only telling you this to give a little background. 

My baby (youngest) was so close to his dad, in fact they were besties.  He was barely 6 years old when the separation began.  Within a year, his dad moved out, his mom worked three jobs (meaning he and his barely teen brother were alone a lot), his mom then got a job 9 ½ hours away from home in order to keep the bank at bay.  Now we have a 7 and 13 year old pair of brothers with their mom long distance for several months, while at the same time living with their dad back at home which would have been great except that he is an alcoholic and that’s all I’ll say about that. 

Months later when I was able to come back home to stay, my babies spent many nights sleeping on the floor of my best friends’ house because that’s where I was staying until I could find a place to live.  Once the boys and I got settled, they dealt with older brothers never coming home to visit, their dad missing many visits and finally their dad going to jail.  The entire time, my youngest, my miracle baby, continued to smile through it all.  He never complained, he never argued, he never acted out and got into trouble, he just stayed strong and hung in there.  I remember a couple times when he saw me crying, he would hugged me and said “It’s ok mom, dad doesn’t try to make you sad”. 

My baby loves to hunt and fish, he started going with his dad when he was barely walking.  His dad was the only one we are close to that does those things, so his two favorite hobbies were no longer an option for him.  He had relatives promise to include him on their hunting plans every year, but that never happened.   He is the only one of my children that had an outside of home fulltime working mother for the majority of his childhood.  He has had many days of going to school, and not always knowing who was going to pick him up at the end of the day.  

He never asks for anything.  He has always been and still is the most easy going kid.  He has never really gotten to do much outside of home unless it’s a planned activity because he’s had to sit home all summer while mom was at work and we don’t live close to anything.  I know he dealt with some sadness his early teen years, but it never became a big problem for him.  He worked his way out of it (of course we supported him)  I can see there is a bit of disconnect with his 2 oldest brothers because of the large age gap between them.  I’ve tried very hard to keep my family close, to keep my children together and so he doesn’t get lost in the shuffle or feel left out.  I would always tell them, he supported them when they were home or even at college, they can put forth an effort to do the same for him.  It really bothers me when they don’t. The saddest part to this story I think, is that since his oldest two brothers have “disowned” me, they haven’t kept in touch with him either.  As if it’s no bad enough that they wrote me off, keep me from my grandchildren, but they write him off as well?  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?  This huge hearted, hard working, ask for nothing young man told his adult brothers to grow up when they were publicly humiliating me, and now they won’t talk to him.  Does he whine? Whimper? Shed one tear?  Nope, rather he has watched his mother go through this horrible bought of depression, has given me more hugs in the past 2 years than I’ve probably had in my entire life from my adult children.  I feel like he’s been put almost in an adult position for the past 10 years, and that saddens me terribly.  At the same time, his maturity and his demeanor impress me beyond measure.  I have learned more about patience, acceptance, forgiveness, and self love from him than anywhere else.   

He has such a great smile, and you will rarely see him without it.  He is always pitching in to help people, he can’t get enough time with his grandma and loves to help her.  When given directions or instructions, or discipline even, he won’t argue he just accepts and/or does what is needed. 

I don’t have much time left with him under my wing, and I can barely handle the thought of him being gone.  People will say to me things like “I bet you’re excited, last one and you’re almost done”.  SERIOUSLY???  NO!!!!  I don’t want to be done.  I can’t imagine anything better to life than being an active mother with your children in your house.  (but I’ve told you that before) 

Have I told you I call my baby “Moosh Moosh”?  Yes, you read that right.  LOL   When he was born, he retained so much fluid because of my pregnancy issues, he was all “mooshy”.  Therefore, he has always been my “Moosh Moosh” and “Moosh Moosh” only to me.  If you ever meet my “Moosh Moosh”, and are fortunate to have him in your life, you may want to pay attention, watch and learn, because he is one of the great ones.  His smile goes on for days, his laugh is contagious, and the sparkle in his eyes remind you that there are still good people in this world. 

What do I need to do to be sure he doesn’t hate me like the oldest 2 do?  I worry about this almost daily.  I find myself thinking, how long until he thinks that I’m a POS and I miss being a part of the rest of his life too?  I see now why we were blessed with him, why we defeated the medical threats of our pregnancy and he is with us today.  He has a special purpose, a great one I’m certain.  People will learn much from my baby, because he has a lot to teach, even if he’s not trying to. 

I want to make sure our last year and a half at home together are our best together.  I need them to be, for both of us.  We have made it through a lot together, and there has been more than enough sadness.  I want us to celebrate our successes and our endurance.  I am thankful for all of my children, and I believe all children are a miracle, but my “Moosh Moosh” is not just a miracle, he’s an inspiration.  If he ever sees this blog, and can pick one thing for him to take away from this entry, it would be for him to know how thankful I am for him and all he has given to me.  He has given me more than I could ever ask for.  I wish him the most amazing future and hope that each and every one of his dreams come true.  I love you son. 

This is my tattoo that
represents my Moosh Moosh

Published by Dazedmother

I'm a middle aged working woman. I have raised four boys of which my baby is 17. Motherhood began at age 17 for me. For 30 years every choice I've made was as a mother. This past year, two of my sons have decided life is better without me. I'm a mom, a grandma, a wife that was divorced and now remarried. Here I am, still trying to figure out this thing called life.

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