This entry is nothing more than my own personal struggle (or victory) right here, right now. I need to vent and clear the air in my head. If you’re offended easily you may want to pass.
My baby (Son 4) turned 17 years old yesterday and he didn’t hear a peep from his 2 oldest brothers. Seriously. 😦 And I say that with a giant frustrated grumble and an irritated sigh. What kind of selfish toxic ugly person ignores their minor brother on his birthday? As if it wasn’t crappy enough one (Son 2) of the two( Son 1 & Son 2) ignored their 22 year old brother (Son 3) on his birthday in Sep. (Son 3 rents from Son 1 so he cant act like a total ass or he’ll loose his renter) I’m so irritated, embarrassed and even pissed off. These 2 young men never did anything but love and believe in their big brothers, only to be repaid with broken promises and a huge lack of compassion. Son 2 is the selfish son that has taken both maternal grandmas out of his son and step daughters life. One day chances are good that they will find out the truth, and could likely turn on him for it. What family will he have to show him support when he needs it outside of his a delusional wife and her clueless relatives? (They are 2 states away). He is burning his most important family bridges.
I admit I’m the woman who has judged mothers harshly when they don’t put their children first. But honestly, I’m to the point of thinking about completely writing both of my oldest boys off permanently. (meaning no more waiting or hoping for them to come home) Their selfish behavior and actions this past year stole so much from our family. I’m crushed that I raised two people who have no heart and think they are above the rest of us. I’m frustrated with family members that have chosen not to tell both of these boys how horrible their behavior is, and I’m even more frustrated with the family members that have supported these boys. Although, I do see the one family that is in support of their behavior, did the same thing to one of their children’s grands, so of course it makes sense because this can validate for them that it’s ok to keep your children from their grandparents and clear their conscience.
I’m done with shitty people. I don’t care if I gave birth to them or not. As far as I’m concerned, if they want to cause pain to people, especially a young man, their little brother, who has put up with too much BS over the years from them, then to hell with them both. I will however, patiently wait for our grandson to come looking for us all because I’m certain he will be more than happy to get his 2 sets of grandparents and 2 uncles back into his life.
I have seen other people do this to their kids a few times before, and it never ends in favor of the parent that isolated the children from family. Those children grow up resentful and have no problem returning the favor to their parents, or at minimum enjoy the family they missed for so long despite their parents wishes.
I have found the light. I can finally see and believe that I didn’t do this. I didn’t raise shitty people, those 2 turned shitty despite how I raised them, not because. I gave them everything they needed and more. Over the years I watched Son 1 treat friends and girlfriends like crap, and I never said a word. I watched him break his word, and not take care of debts, including several that have a direct negative effect on 3 of his grandparents. How embarrassing for a mother. I probably should have seen this coming. Son 2 is an exact replica of his biological father. ( A sad and disturbing truth because it’s no secret that he’s a puke) He always has been like him, no more explanation necessary. Only thing left to seal the deal is to find out which of his own children will permanently leave him as soon as they are able. Like Father Like Son.
On the other end of the stick, Son 3 and his girlfriend came to spend time with his little brother for his birthday. ❤ As we sat and talked, I think that I have looked at my divorce all wrong. I’ve been sad ever since their dads and my separation/divorce because all I ever wanted for my children was a stable forever family. Well instead of focusing on what was lost, I should have been focusing on how lucky we are for that life while it lasted. For me because it gave me Son 3 and Son 4 which I see as the greatest blessings. Thankfully, they’ve watched and listened and are carrying on my family values. I guess the Universe, or God or whatever you call the higher power, knew my first 2 would not live by the family values I hold so dear and would leave us. So he blessed me with 2 more so that I could continue to live my dream of having a loving family that respects our family values.
It hurts that I’ve been put in the position to consider forgetting about my own flesh and blood. You must think I’m horrible, the truth is, I’m not horrible I’m simply learning to let go of things I cannot control and to take care myself. They both chose to say the unforgivable things that they said, they chose to tell me to —- —. It’s ALL on them. I know I’ll never completely forget, but sadly it gets easier and easier every day. In fact, over the last year with them in my life, I can now see that they caused me more stress than any mom deserves. (and they are supposed to be adults) Once I got over the worst of my depression, I was able to see and to admit that I don’t miss the BS or drama that came with them both. NOW THAT WAS HARD TO ADMIT. The day I said that out loud, I cried so damn hard because that’s a truth that hurts you to your core. If you think I’m a horrible mother, then you’ve never been betrayed by your own in such a way that it puts you within a thread of taking your final breath of life. Deep in my heart I suppose I still love them and I suppose I always will. I don’t however like either of them any longer, nor do I have any interest in inviting them back into my life. They made the decision to spit in my face which was bad enough, but when they both decided to spit in their brothers faces simply because they refuse to sink to such a low level of existence. Quite frankly that simply forces me to protect my family. And my family are the people that share my belief in family values, and I guess that means I now only have 2 sons remaining. I’ve decided to go ahead with making all of the changes and my final arrangements necessary in favor of my 2 loyal sons. I’ve also told those closest to me who I want contacted if I become ill. My thought is this …I don’t want you to reenter my life because I’m sick. All that means is that you want a clear conscience. Well I say tough shit to that, because your conscience is not my problem. If you’re going to come back into my life, it’s going to be because you miss having your mother. For any other reason…it’s not happening.
Am I unreasonable? No, I don’t think so. They’ve put me through hell. I gave up everything for them and more. My thanks was getting spit on. A psychologist made a great point to me. “Would I fight to keep anyone else in my life after they disrespected me and treated me so horribly?” The answer is NO, I WOULD NOT. So I will not for anyone, unless the appropriate apology is given. And even then, it isn’t a sure thing. There are rules for respect and I will no longer settle for less.
What’s done is done. —- you both, and thanks for nothing.
Hold on to the people that treat you well, and don’t be afraid of letting the ugly people go when they leave. Your days are precious, and you are worth more than begging. Live each day knowing your value and without regrets because life is too short, and you never know when you won’t get your tomorrow.