My Heart Aches

Only two days until my little man’s birthday.  Lucky or unlucky for me that it’s an extremely crazy week at work so my mind is staying busier than normal from 7am to 5:30pm.  I’m making sure to get a minimum of 30 minutes on my treadmill each night to help my body cope with the stress.  I have one picture of him from the last day that I spent with him, when I look at it, I can still hear his voice saying “cheeeeeeese”. 

That day was one of the best days of my life.  He had spent the night with us and slept in between his Grandpa and Me.  I woke up to him rubbing my cheek and in a sweet quiet little voice “Gamma juice pease” while still sharing my pillow.  We both got up, he helped me let the dogs outside to potty, I changed his diaper and we proceeded to decide on our breakfast.  He had several options, and he decided on a banana and a little chocolate chex with milk.  After breakfast he got to pick what he wanted to wear for the day.  Yes, he had his own drawer filled with clothes at our house for these occasions.  J  He chose a new outfit that his Grandpa had bought a couple week prior.  I had an appointment with my psychologist that morning so we packed a backpack with toys, snacks, wipes and diapers and off we went.  It was fun introducing him to the people I saw regularly at the office.  The front desk girls loved him and let him pick out 2 rubber ducky toys to play with.  After my appointment, we called Grandpa to see where he was.  (Grandpa drives truck)  He was not too far away and was going to be there for a bit, so we headed in that direction.  Our little man was so excited to see Grandpa and his “big twuck”.  Grandpa took him around the outside of the truck and trailer and opened each door so he could look in.  I remember the big eyes he had when he stood next to the tires and they were bigger than was.  We said “see you after work” to Grandpa and of course he gave Grandpa a big hug and told him “wuv wew”.   As we were driving away, Great Grandma called and wanted to know what we were doing next so she could join us.  We called my youngest son, little man’s uncle, and we all decided to meet at the bowling alley for lunch and some bowling.  What fun everyone had!  I’ll never forget how proud my grandson was every time he rolled the ball down the alley.  He got so excited he wouldn’t even wait to see if it hit any pins!  After a couple hours of excitement, it was time for a nap.  We headed back home (my house) for naps.  After we let the puppies out for their potty break, we snuggled up with blankets and pillows, read our favorite book “Grandma Wishes”, put Daniel the Tiger on the TV and tada, nap time. J  After my little man woke up from his nap we ate a snack and went outside to play.  Grandpa came home while we were outside and started swinging with us, because obviously swinging with Grandpa is more fun than it is with Grandma.  J  While they were outside, I went in the house to pack up all of my little man’s things and put them by the door so it was all ready when his dad, my son, came to pick him up.  Shortly after my son called and said he was leaving work so he would appreciate it if I had my little man and his things ready to go.  I told him that was no problem, our little man was already outside with Grandpa and they were swinging, and all of his things were packed and by the door.  He responded to me with an OK.  I went outside and told our grandson his daddy was on his way from work to pick him up so they could do home and see mommy and sissy.  Twenty minutes or so later he arrived and came into the yard to collect his son.  Normally he would visit for a while and give his son a “FIVE minute warning”.  Today was different.  Today there was no talking and no warning.  He scooped up our little man and said, “it’s time to go”.  I immediately went into the house and got his things that were by the door.  I came outside to the car and he (grandson) was crying and kicking not wanting to get into the car.  I told my son that I gave him a nap that day just like he told me I had to do and that he ate well.  He (my son) then got within inches of my nose and said “this is your f—— fault, I told you to have him ready and obviously he is not, I hope you’re happy”.  I said I was sorry I thought I had him ready.  After he drove away, I called his wife and told her what had happened as a courtesy call.  (I know it sucks when your hubby comes home in a mood).  She told me not to worry about it.  She said my son had been very stressed out and short tempered since they bought their house. (a few weeks earlier) She followed with, “I would never let him keep your grandchildren away from you”. 

I haven’t seen my grandchildren since. 

Published by Dazedmother

I'm a middle aged working woman. I have raised four boys of which my baby is 17. Motherhood began at age 17 for me. For 30 years every choice I've made was as a mother. This past year, two of my sons have decided life is better without me. I'm a mom, a grandma, a wife that was divorced and now remarried. Here I am, still trying to figure out this thing called life.

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