Within our situation of being kept from our grandchildren, there are different reactions from various extended family members. As with anything in life, everyone has their own opinion.
When the two oldest sons made the decision to disown me, their father and step father, they also quit staying in contact with their brothers. My youngest son told me they can’t just pick and choose, either they’re with us all or they’re not. After 7 months, I finally agree with him. The only way they will ever realize what they’ve walked away from, is if they feel lonely from not having any family around. I say this because I’ve tried reaching out several times only to be answered with silence. So it seems obvious to me then, if I seem desparate (which is what they want) it gives them power because their sole intention is to cause pain. I, however, have chosen to take their power away. No matter how desparate, hurt or sad I feel, I will not feed into their power trip. Eventually they will realize they are powerless and hopefully they will remember what it was like before and miss the good feeling of having their family in their lives. In other words, they need to feel lonely from this storm that they created, They need to see the family moving on without their toxicity. It won’t take long for them to see the only ones that are suffering is them. Then and only then will we have taken their power away.
There are people however that will grasp at strings to stay connected with these power seekers, manipulators, game players, family bullies aka toxic people, and the reason to me remains unclear. Don’t they see that the toxic behavior will never stop if there is never any consequence. For example, one son forbid his friends to be in contact with me. There are some that have chosen to stay in touch with me and did not head his warning. They justify their “walking on both sides” by saying they dont want to lose him as a friend, but they also disagree with him and don’t think his actions are justifiable. Seriously?? Allow the bully to tell you who you can and can’t talk to even though you disagree because you want to be his friend and are allowing the toxicity to spread. Soooo, the power that the bully wants, and thinks he deserves, has been given to him. If a person is toxic enough to hurt their parents, their brothers, their grandparents and steal precious time from them all including their own children, what makes them a friend worth keeping?
What about the relatives who the toxic person(s) hasn’t kept in contact with since they started this charade? The toxic people created all of this toxicity for attention and to show that they have “the power”. So everytime someone reaches out, they are giving the toxic one(s) exactly what they are hoping for, attention and power. In other words, it’s not helping the situation and not driving the toxicity out of the Bully. Until the toxic are lonely and made powerless they will not reconsider their sick and toxic actions.
We are all familiar with how people use social media to interact with one another. We also all know that there are a lot of “pretend” friendships that don’t exist in the real world. The attitude that it’s acceptable to cut off real world contact with someone, but as long as you’re “friends” with them on Facebook, everything is ok. People, are you kidding me here? Those are the actions of a coward. When they do that, they don’t have to actually admit that they’re not talking to you, because “you’re still Facebook friends so obviously everything is fine”. *insert eye roll here* Another thing…what is the purpose of sending messages to a three old on their parents’ Facebook, if the parents aren’t in touch with you in the real world? The three year old can’t read the message, and the parents have been avoiding you in person. Do you seriously think they are giving the child the message? I doubt it. So who did you put that message on Facebook for??… Them?…You?…or maybe you’re trying to impress the audience?? Then there’s the question, what did you accomplish??…Nothing. But you did hand the toxic person(s) some power. And yet again, not any closer to a resolution.
As a family member and I discussed this entire conundrum of crap last evening, we agreed that the toxic person(s) has played this game several times before, and will continue to until people are no longer interested in being a part of it and giving them power. You need to see that they will never get to that realization if people continue to give them any indication that they are winning and/or maintaining their “power”. AND…unfortunately, the number one purpose of a toxic persons “game” is to start drama and get attention. Further more it most likely will not stop unless or until they feel lonely and/or powerless.
Does the situation that the Bully created suck? Yes it does. It is sad for everyone involved, even more so now that there are innocent children in the mix? Is it easy to act calm, stay quiet and to not get sucked into the game? No, it is not. It might be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to learn how to do. But thanks to my two youngest sons, my husband, my exhusband and my brother all reminding me what’s really at stake. For reminding me that toxic is as toxic does and we do not want nor need to be a part of it.
Don’t feed the toxicity that tries to creep into your life. Don’t give toxic people power. Don’t allow the toxic people to steal time from you or your loved ones. Don’t be a fool by tip toeing around and dont be afraid to tell toxic it’s toxic when it’s toxic and take their power away.
Toxic people only play games that hurt someone, and if you partake in their game, you are hurting someone too. Stop the pollution and stop the toxic.