It’s extremely frustrating to me when I go online to do a general search for toxic relationships between adult children and their parents. The majority of the articles I see are written by parents giving estranged parents the advice to take the blame and apologize. WTF are you kidding me???? It pisses me off!!!!!! Some will go on to say that counseling is needed in order for the estranged parent to come to terms with their issues and the trouble they’ve caused. GOOD GRIEF!!! In the beginning, I took ownership of all of the problems between my adult children and myself, however in my counseling, my psychologist, has taught me that I’m not to blame and that I’m not to continue to take ownership of this crap. They are not my problems to take ownership of, and quite simply, my adult sons are bullies/narcissistic millennials and there’s nothing I can do about it nor did I cause it.
We all do the best we can parenting our children using the knowledge that we have. We parent the way we needed to be parented ourselves, whether it was done that way or not. If it’s true that everyone parents their children in this manner, then there is no reason for parents to apologize for anything. Let me be clear, unless there was physical abuse, intentional emotional abuse, addiction issues, or neglect, there is nothing for parents to apologize for.
Why would anyone apologize for doing the best they can, and the best that you can do is what we all do. I can’t help but wonder if so much of the crazy chaos that is going on in our world, all of the entitlement, all of the “I’m offended” business starts right here. My point being, that just a few short decades ago you treated your parents with respect for no other reason than they were your parents. You’re right, that does not mean you should have to put up with unforgivable behavior only because they’re your parents if that behavior is causing physical harm to you or your family. But no matter what, there is a certain amount of respect and appreciation that is due to your parents, especially your mother. If it wasn’t for them, you wouldn’t even be on this Earth.
A mother shares her body with her children for 9 months or more, doing anything she can do to help fulfill their wants and needs for 18 years or more, and if for any reason when that child is an adult they feel that she didn’t do a good enough job, they decide it’s their place to “put her in her place”. Let’s take it even a step further. An adult child continually asks their parents for help, the parents help them financially, they babysit for them for free, frequently change their plans to accommodate and one day someone suddenly decides that they aren’t good enough. When did the mind set that being an adult gives you the right to tell your parents to stay out of your life, and lie to your children about their grandparents become acceptable? Your parents didn’t agree with you so now you’re “butt hurt” and they’re out? I don’t care how old you are, if you bought a house or had babies, you’re still my child and I still have more life experiences than you, that will never change. Be warned that if you ask for my help, then you’re going to get my opinion whether you like it or not. The two come hand-in-hand, so if you don’t want my opinion, don’t ask for my help.
Parents help their adult children because they love them and want to continue to help them move forward in their life as easily as possible, avoiding as much of the tough stuff as possible. I remind you of your younger years, when you made an ass out of yourself or even your family, your parents were there for you no matter the cost or humiliation. How is it ok to tell them to f— off??
They have nothing but excuses. Every damn issue they have they want to blame on someone or something. I’m going to use my life situation as an example here. I did not have a horrible childhood, however it was less than perfect. I do not blame the issues that I have on my father, my mother, or the less than great relationship I had with my mother growing up. I suppose I could, but why, what will that fix? Everyone has their bag of shit, everyone has crap they bring with them from years prior, whether it be their fault or someone else’s. The point is, you deal with it, you don’t make excuses, you don’t blame someone else. You certainly do not blame your parents and kick them out of your and your childrens life. They proudly brought you into this world, even if it was unplanned. At one point, the decision was made to give you life. Everyday we hear about babies that are thrown in dumpsters, left on doorsteps, left at hospitals, abortions are legal in how many states? Keeping that in mind, and knowing you are living breathing on this earth today, who the hell do you think you are estranging your parents, especially your mother.
So now we have these adult children with shitty attitudes, throwing their parents out of their life, tossed to the side like valueless garbage. This generation I speak of, also living half of their life by google, goes online to find article after article telling them that it’s okay and telling them that they have every right to do what they did. Telling them that they are correct in thinking that their parents are horrible and deserve nothing more than what they’re getting. Absolutely positively unbelievable, it’s because of these crappy people that are blaming their parents, punishing their parents these week parents are then saying “yep it was me, I’m sorry I made you angry”. WTF? So we allow these bullies to continue? I would have liked to have seen what would happen if my mother would have blown off her parents and told them to take a flying f—. I do believe my grandfather would have taken her over his knee and spanked her ass. At what point do we stop the nonsense? Allowing our children, regardless of their age, to continue throwing us around like we are nothing. Wake up people! What kind of care do you think you’re going to get in 40 years if you let them bully you now? I want people that respect their elders to care for me if or when I am unable to take care of myself.
There is more BS in this world now than there ever has been. The big difference between now and years past? Lack of respect is an obvious issue. Lack of respect for your elders is a sad embarrassing truth that someone needs the courage to stand up to and correct.
Even when I disagree with my mom, knowing our personalities don’t always mix, arguing on occasion..she is still my mom and that gives her the right to be a part of my life. Period.