Christmas is in two days. I’ve heard sad stories about holidays for broken families but never thought it would be mine. When I say broken, I’m not talking about divorced or separated parents I’m referring to A BROKEN FAMILY. Broken as in a member or members have disconnected from the family and there are broken hearts. It’s true, my children’s father and I divorced many years ago, but in all of those years we have had most of our holidays together. When I say together, I mean all differences put aside, our children have spent most of those holidays with their entire family together including them, their Grandma, their dad, their stepdad and me. My ex comes to our house, or he even hosted once, and we celebrate as a family. Yes, that’s how amazing our family is…er was. This year however, we are broken. We will have mom, dad, stepdad, Grandma, and our youngest together. Our next oldest will be with his S.O. family and will join us later in the afternoon but it ends there. Our oldest two will not join us, they will most likely never rejoin us hence making us what I consider a BROKEN FAMILY.
It breaks my heart when I think about how much you as a person has to completely dispice your mother to not only abandon her, but siblings as well. How much hatred a person must feel in order to keep them away even during the Holidays. Sometimes when I think about it I can’t stop crying. Other times, I see from a different view and wonder instead how miserable they must be in their own skin to make the decision to stay away.
I have spent so much time being hurt, angry, sad, and betrayed, that I hadn’t realized until now that I should also, being a good mother in good conscience, pitty the boys I raised that chose to despise me. I pitty them because even though we will miss them being here on Christmas, we still have each other. They, on the other hand, will be alone. Yes they will have their wives and maybe her family, but nothing will ever replace us, their first family, their roots. I watched my husband for several years miss his first family during the holidays, however, for him it wasn’t his choice. Whether that makes it a tougher situation or not I do not know. What I do know however, is your first family is a part of you. You can decide to disagree with them, you can decide to hide from them or you can decide to accept who you are, where you came from and admit to yourself the same blood runs through your veins. This my friends, in my humble opinion, is being part of a family. You don’t have to agree, you don’t even have to like everything, but you can’t ignore who you are.
To me, little old insignificant me, when you are part of a family you have obligations. An obligation to tell family members what needs to be said even if they don’t want to hear it, while remaining respectful in your delivery. An obligation to honor your father and your mother, not only because they gave you life, but because God told you to. An obligation to your siblings because quite simply, they are your siblings. I believe in a family, there needs to be an order starting at the top going down. In other words, respect the elders of your family because they have provided so much for you and your continued exsistance. In a family, there will be disagreements, there will be anger, there will be sadness. But at the end of the day, when it matters most, the self respecting person will be there to support the ones in their family that need it most.
Has someone in your family betrayed you? Take a moment to think about them, raise their name in prayer, and pitty the fact that they are miserable enough with themselves and their lives, to forget the ones in which they owe the greatest debt. Don’t let them cheat you of the happiness you deserve. There is no one entitled enough to take that from you. That’s what family means to me.