Who’s Job Is It Anyway?

When there is a family feud, or family estrangement of any kind, who should make the first move? Not all that long ago my husband was at odds with his parents which sadly was all because of misunderstandings due to lack of communication.(thankfully all put behind them) At Christmas time I would tell him he should initiate contact with his mother, while at the same time I would think to myself, “why wouldn’t a mother initiate contact with her child and keep trying if unsuccessful?” True all situations are different, and this was different than mine, however…I realize now that if both parties are adults, it is the responsibility of both, the burden does not ly on the mother alone. I understand why a mother would stop trying to contact a child that has not only disrupted the families happiness, but taken themselves out of the active circle. A mother is supposed to be strong, but even she can only take so much.

My brother suggested to me during a period of visible sadness, that I invite one or both of my estranged sons for the holiday. For several reasons I did not. First of all, I’m not ready to even entertain the idea of seeing one of them for certain if not both. I will love them always, but my feelings about seeing or spending time with them has changed. They stole so much from me, their brothers, their father and step father, and their grandparents that I will likely resent them not to mention lost any sort of respect, trust or feeling of obligation to them. As a mother I want to show my remaining sons the unconditional love a mother has for her children, but at the same time I want them to see how important it is to be respectful, honest and loyal to their family and the pain that is caused when you are not.

The scale of responsibility is so easily tipped one way or the other depending on so many different aspects. I tried months ago to reach out to one of them. He was not interested, in fact he simply ignored me. I am in no hurry to be rejected again. I have let him know I’m here when he wants to come home. I feel that’s where my obligation ends. The other however is not yet even welcome here which is the most troubling situation because he is keeping our grandchildren from us. No matter how sad we are, no matter how much our heart aches, I refuse to let anyone bully or manipulate me with their lies.

If someone in your family is causing you hardship whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally you need to take away the power they desire to have over you in order to empower yourself. Do not allow those people to wreak havok in your head or in your heart in order for them to fulfill their need of purpose.

Where is our society headed? Children turning on their parents, parents stealing precious innocence from their children, sibling turning on other siblings. No one willing to stand up and say “this is wrong” to these family bullies. Are you strong enough to say “enough is enough”? It’s time for this madness to end and for healing to begin.

Trust yourself, believe in you and what you know is right. There are very cruel people among us, and sadly they may be in your family. Once we are strong enough to tell the bullies to “stick it”, once we stop letting them “run the show” and take our power back, the sooner families will be able to begin to heal and family wrongs will be made right. We ourselves may not see family unity as it should be in our lifetime, but we can begin the process to make it easy for our childrens children to not have to deal with family bullies or at least be able to keep them powerless. If my pain means my grandchildren will have peace within their family, then I willingly accept the burden. Those of us who still believe in the sanctity of family must support each other and our sacrifice will not be for nothing. Who’s job is it, if it isn’t ours.

#familyfeud #estrangedfamily #wtfhappened

Published by Dazedmother

I'm a middle aged working woman. I have raised four boys of which my baby is 17. Motherhood began at age 17 for me. For 30 years every choice I've made was as a mother. This past year, two of my sons have decided life is better without me. I'm a mom, a grandma, a wife that was divorced and now remarried. Here I am, still trying to figure out this thing called life.

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