Taking the Beach Home

Each morning of vacation is started with my necessary medication regime so that I can poop and relieve my “bottom issues” . If this isn’t followed accordingly, the day no matter how fun, will be extremely uncomfortable. I can proudly say each morning was a victory in that department. 🙂

Our second morning on the beach, we were greeted with a breath taking pink and orange sunrise over the Gulf with sugar sand under our feet. My Gulf greeting was followed by an example of balancing that thin line between “you deserve the best, expect the best and settle for nothing less”, and “don’t set your expectations too high so it doesn’t hurt so much when they’re not met”.

So much anticipated excitement replaced with disappointment. I found myself feeling useless, unworthy, ugly….but I didn’t yell, scream, cry or panick. I kept myself calm, centered, and grounded. I used the tools I have been working so hard on, and on my own, I overcame and did my best to enjoy my surrounding even if it meant I had to do it on my own. A huge victory for me! I acknowledge I didn’t have the dreamy day I was expecting, but I don’t have to give up the dream. I improvised that day and will keep that dream on my future vacation to do list. 🙂

The next day we were greeted with fog, and a lot of it. We couldn’t see past our balcony. We didn’t let that take all of our beach time away. The beach was full of jellyfish that had been washed ashore overnight. We were met by several surfers on our little walk who happily educated us on the jellyfish and the Gulf’s waves & currents do’s and don’ts. They made such an impression on me. All with a different lifestyle, yet a similar story in such a way as they all watch the radar daily, the waters current and the weather predictions just to get the chance to try to catch a wave or two even if it’s only for a short time. What a concept, making it a priority to do something for yourself, to relieve some stress. Soon after we did a little traveling, met some nice people and saw some fun sights. We had so much fun finding souvenirs for our family back home. A really fun part of the day was traveling to the neighboring state, finding 2 bakeries that had gluten free-vegan options and picking out some yummies! We smiled nonstop, we laughed a lot and believe it or not, I think I only contacted home once or twice that day. 😉 We were both exhausted (and broke lol) at the end of the day, but I believe it’s safe to say our hearts were full of love, appreciation and thanks. I went to bed that night feeling like I was on top of the moon. The day was exactly what I remembered our dating days to be like. For the entire day I felt like a princess. I forgot I was sick, I forgot I was fat, I was living a real life fantasy with the love of my life…because of the love of my life. It’s possible to let yourself have fun and it’s so worth it!

The following morning we watched the sun slowly burn the fog off of the water and the beach. As soon as my body was ready, we headed down to the beach. I was so excited! This would be my 4th day here, but the first day I would get to spend on the sugar sand and by the water with my love in its entirety! The day I had been waiting so long for, but kept evading me because of circumstances that were out of my control. He wasn’t interested in walking with me, but we didn’t let that stop my fun. He sat and watched while I walked the beach hunting for shells. I walked barefoot in the sugar white sand up and down the beach. I thanked the enormous body of water for sharing itself with me and for the gifts he gave me. There was a dead fish on the beach this morning which a seagull was picking at. Shortly after my little chat with the water, the seagulls disappeared and down swooped a bald eagle. He grabbed the fish faster than I could speak and flew off to meet his mate in the sky and they disappeared together into the blue sky. This happened 30 feet in front of me, if it was that far. I felt as though this was another lesson for me to take note. We need to take action in our lives and do what we need to do in order to survive, physically, emotionally and mentally.

I did more searching but decided to get more assertive while remaining respectful in my hunt. Just as I need to be assertive yet respectful in my day to day life. I planted my feet into the sugar sand under the water a couple feet in from the tide line. When a wave came in, behind the wave foam, hundreds of shells lay there washed up with the wave. When the water receded however it would take the shells back into the Gulf with it. Sometimes the water is generous and leaves a shell on the beach for you, but most of the time, it takes them all back. While I stood there in the water, I reached into the wave and grabbed the shells I could before it took back. Some waves hitting my knees. While some waves hitting my hips. It was a red flag day which means use extreme caution due to high surf and/or strong current or both therefore only go in water if a keen swimmer. I got so many shells! It was absolutely extremely satisfying and exhilarating! I felt as though Mr. Gulf was playing with me and testing me at the same time. I had to be bold, face my fears, respectfully aggressive and assertive while respecting the boundaries of the water. If I had fell in too high of a wave the current could have easily pulled me out into its clutches.

This is no different than what I’ve learned about living my life. It’s ok, even necessary sometimes to be respectfully aggressive and assertive when dealing with a stronger force or stronger personality than our own. And as long as we remain within the boundaries set and be respectful we will find rewards, just as I found seashells.

Later in the day, we were able to go on a dolphin cruise and fortunate to see a few dolphins. Watching these beautiful, playful family comes first creatures in their home is an experience I will never forget. Such powerful swimmers, such playful creatures allowing you to see them or not, using their full discretion. As long as we remained respectful within the boundaries we were able to be a part of their world, even if only a small part. Do you see the similarities to the healthy life decision making we should be making in our own lives?

The next and final morning on the beach, we took one last waterside walk. I told Mr. Gulf one last thank you for sharing so much with me and for allowing me my safety on my visit. I also told him good bye. I told him I hoped ever so much that this was a “Until next time my friend”, but I know all to well that’s a farewell I have no right to promise, not to Mr. Gulf, nor to myself.

It’s funny you know. I cried so hard about leaving the safety and comfort of my home. Now here I was, crying about leaving this beautiful place. The beach had so much to say, so much to teach, and I listened, I tried to learn every lesson it laid out before me and under my feet. The water, the sunrises, the sunsets, the sugarsand, the shells, the jellies, the dolphins and even the surfers, they all had something to teach and I was a receptive student and tried to take in every ounce of wisdom and life lessons I could. But this class was over, time to go back to the real world. The world of incertainty, the world of negativity, the world with disappointments, sadness and uncertain boundaries. The true test is now. Can I take the gifts of beauty and wisdom home with me and apply it to my life? I can, I must, I will, I can’t afford not to, and it would be a great sign of disrespect if I didn’t.

Published by Dazedmother

I'm a middle aged working woman. I have raised four boys of which my baby is 17. Motherhood began at age 17 for me. For 30 years every choice I've made was as a mother. This past year, two of my sons have decided life is better without me. I'm a mom, a grandma, a wife that was divorced and now remarried. Here I am, still trying to figure out this thing called life.

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