When does the responsibility as mom go from the main support role to the supportive role? 18? 20? 25? I mean, I dont feel like a mom should just disappear when a kid turns 18. Because my 29 and 28 year olds banished me from their lives a year ago, after I gave more money, more energy, more time and more favors to them and their families than anyones else. I realize that I have lived my entire life around my kids and what they want and for what? My 22 and 17 year olds are everything you could hope for your children to be. Responsible, hard working, dedicated, caring and both are more self sustaining at a young age than either of their brothers were until they were 25 years old. After my youngest graduates and gets settled with his next step of his life, I don’t want them to think I’m deserting them but I really do want to start a new adventure with my life. My biggest fear however, is that they will feel abandoned. I realize this is probably not healthy, because if they decide they want to see what else the world has to offer them, I don’t want them to hesitate because of me. I love them with all of myself and love to be with them but I know how important it is to live your dream. I want to start actively planning for the next step in my life, but I don’t want it to look like I’m excited for my youngest to grow up. Truth is, I dread the day he leaves home and I think the only way I will be able to handle it without a complete breakdown is to have something exciting to look forward to. After all, if I move away to take an adventure, I can always come back, or move closer to wherever my two amazing sons decide to live their lives.
Chances are I will get to be an active grandma in their childrens lives should they have families of their own, and I dont want to squander that opportunity or blessing if or when the time comes. Because I know these 2 sons will not only want, but appreciate that relationship.
I always thought I wanted to stay in our home, our house so that my boys always had a “back home”. But I’m seeing now, there is so much crap, so much BS that I really dont even want it anymore. In fact, even if I stayed in this town, I dont want this house. Yes, there are some wonderful memories here, but we will always hang on to those memories. I however, need to ditch the shit.
The valuable lesson I want to pass along is this. The old adage is true, HOME IS WHERE YOUR HEART IS. It’s not one specific house to stay that way forever, my home is wherever I can be happy, not just existing but truely be living, and I can bring it with me wherever I go.