Leave No Unfinished Business

Its 5:30AM Friday morning, In the past week I haven’t slept more than 16 hours total. This is the 3rd time in the past two weeks that I’ve been up the entire night. I can’t sleep. The more sleep I lack, the more places my mind goes. A middle aged woman died from the virus and she was a healthy woman. Because of the pandemic, she didn’t get to say good bye to her school aged children or her husband. Children thought their mom was going for a test, and they never saw her again. If you get sick, you’re going in alone. If your parents, sibling, spouse or children get sick you can’t go with them. Is anyone worried?

My boss called today.  She is great at what she does, but her knowledge outside of her profession is extremely limited.  I spent hours on the phone with her and a coworker trying to explain and researching the CARES package to the best of my ability.  No benefit to me, just trying to help while I quietly keep my anxiety to myself. I spent time online filling out refinance paperwork for our house trying to cut costs as are so many others. And let’s not forget the calls and emails to the insurance company dealing with my sons car accident from last week.

I was doing so good, no anxiety meds for so long. But even with all of my mindfulness exercises, all of my progress and all of my therapy. I’ve decided I’m going to call my psychiatrist office tomorrow. I suspect she will put me on a stronger anti anxiety med and perhaps a sleep aid. Due to the pandemic the clinics are on level 2 which means we can’t go in unless it’s a medical emergency.

I’m scared. My husband has weak lungs because of all of his years of heavy smoking. He gets pneumonia every year that lasts weeks. I’m so afraid he’s going to get the damn virus and…..

We are all under a great amount of stress and unbelievable pressure because of the virus. I’m here this morning to remind you to take care of yourself and your family. There are never guarantees in life, but especially now we all need to be especially aware. Love yourself, tell the ones you love you love them, every day. This is a time of uncertainty for everyone, so make certain the importance of friends of family and self care. Live each day as fully as possible in this pandemic time we are in. Tell the ones you love that you love them every day and don’t go to bed with regrets or unsaid words.

Stay safe, be well, keep loving and use this time to become the person you’ve always wanted to be. Do it today because you never know when tomorrow won’t come and you’re worth it.

Published by Dazedmother

I'm a middle aged working woman. I have raised four boys of which my baby is 17. Motherhood began at age 17 for me. For 30 years every choice I've made was as a mother. This past year, two of my sons have decided life is better without me. I'm a mom, a grandma, a wife that was divorced and now remarried. Here I am, still trying to figure out this thing called life.

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