The Corona Fear

Are you scared? Even just a little? Are you uncertain? Does all of this feel surreal?

I am. I am scared. I am uncertain. To be quite blunt this feels extremely surreal to me and I am scared A.F. I try to stay informed with the facts and try to steer clear of all the opinions. I suffer from multiple anxiety disorders and COVID-19 and quarantine ARE NOT helping matters. There are so many concerns for everyones mental health during this time of crisis among all of the other obvious worries. Here is my current story…

Besides my normal insomnia, sleep is now even more difficult to achieve than normal.  In the past month I have stayed awake for up to 40 hours several times, generally followed by 4 or 5 hours of sleep only to restart the cycle.  My headaches are back from sore jaw and neck muscles caused by the constant gritting of my teeth.  My tinnitus is back in full force 100% of the time, I’m on edge, forgetful, can’t sit still and my OCD has taken over my brain once again.  Everywhere I look, everything I watch, everything I hear….scares me.  I have recurring images of me or a loved one falling ill and never seeing them again.  Worse, I look at the calendar only to be reminded that it’s been a year since I’ve seen 2 of my 4 sons and my grandchildren…knowing that if I get the virus the possibility of never seeing them again increases greatly, and both of those possibilities are paralyzing.

Having conversations with people has gotten to be nearly impossible. Somehow, the pandemic will enter the conversation which introduces politics, which leads to strong opinions including conspiracy theories, strong left or strong right. And regardless the theory or which side of the isle they stand, it most certainly will lead to negativity of the strongest kind. I DO NOT WANT TO DISCUSS POLITICS! I understand emotions are high for everyone no matter what side if the isle they stand. I believe everyone, regardless what face they put on, is scared at some level. Let’s face it, there is so much to be frightened of right now. The virus, the economy, the uncertainty of costs and/or availability of goods, the uncertainty of income. And with the concern of losing our income comes more concerns such as losing our health insurance, losing our vehicles, or worse losing our homes. YES, I understand why we are all concerned. I understand we need to know what’s going on in our city, state, country, and the world. But it’s because of all of these worries that I dont want to talk politics. Because no matter what I say, someone will be offended or disagree and because emotions are high it will lead to negativity and honestly, I see so much negativity and/or sadness everywhere right now, the last place I want more of it is in my personal interactions.

Even with all of the scariness going on right now, there are some silver linings. Such as: We are reminded of the little yet ever so important details like how important it is to wash our hands regularly. We are not only teaching, but impressing on our young ones how important it is to “keep your hands to yourself”. Families are spending more time at home together. Since there are not many places to go right now, we are sitting down and eating our meals rather than the all to normal eat and run. Moreover, families are sitting down eating meals together because everyone is home. We are remembering not to be wasteful and perhaps even a little frugal rather than constant overindulgence. We are remembering how to be thankful for the little things. We are slowing down from our daily routines, which gives us time to, as they say, smell the flowers. It’s tough to run through the store and “power shop” when you have to follow the arrows on the floor at the store and maintain 6 feet between ourselves and others in order to practice social distancing. It’s less likely for people to be pushy and rude while practicing social distancing. We are all practicing our patience, and I have witnessed and have been hearing so many stories of people showing much compassion for others during this time of crisis.

Are you scared? Yes. I’m scared to. We can’t change what’s going on, but we can change how we react to it and let it remind us that life is precious. Be thankful every day. Because every day your given, and everything and everyone given to you in a day, is a gift. Be remorseful and ask forgiveness, not only of others, but of yourself as well. Take a moment to reflect and appreciate every blessing both big and small. Be mindful and allow your mindfullness to grow, as it will help you find peace in all of the chaos. Remind yourself not to fear the world or the life you live, but to respect them. And last but not least tell those you love that you love them, not only with words but with your actions.

Make today great, because tomorrow is never promised and you never know when tomorrow won’t come.

Published by Dazedmother

I'm a middle aged working woman. I have raised four boys of which my baby is 17. Motherhood began at age 17 for me. For 30 years every choice I've made was as a mother. This past year, two of my sons have decided life is better without me. I'm a mom, a grandma, a wife that was divorced and now remarried. Here I am, still trying to figure out this thing called life.

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