I’m Alive Validate Me

I haven’t posted in a while. Funny I thought being home more would mean I would write so much more. Instead, I have found myself catching up on all the things I have neglected the past 2 years because of my depression. I have painted, planted flowers, started walking 5 to 10 miles a day every day, cooking, baking, rearranging rooms, and sewing. I have not sat still for one day. It’s hard to believe a year ago I wanted to end my life. I have come a long way over the past year. I’m not where I want to be yet, I want to be med free again, but for now I will gladly continue to take the help so that I can continue to move forward.

Part of winning the fight, succeeding in this life, your survival even, is knowing and admitting when you are in over your head and when you need help. I almost lost my fight because I let my pride get in my way. I’ve always been the strong one, I surely wasn’t going to admit I needed help. But my pride almost cost me my life.

The lesson I hope people can take from this is there is no shame in weakness. We get knocked down, it happens to everyone at some level at one point or another. And SOMETIMES, there is a “perfect storm” of shitty circumstances and it’s simply too much. This is when the strength is in us validating our weekness and asking for help.

Validating. Validation. To validate. Theres a good conversation.  It is such a strong word with a strong meaning and even stronger circumstances and outcomes.  Validating or lack of can make or break friendships, relationships, or more sadly yet, one self.  If you listen closely to an arguement you will most likely hear the need for validation more than the need to be agreed with or the need to be right.  For example the arguement now is the mask.  When does the rule wearing it or not and who should or shouldn’t  infringe on our rights.  No one is going to win this arguement. There is no cut and dry black and white answer. It’s a “gray area” topic and a “gray area” topic is just that because it’s so circumstantial that one rule can’t or doesn’t apply everywhere all the time to everybody. That’s what makes it such a touchy subject because even though everyones opinion is extremely strong, and regardless of if you can honestly admit it or not, both sides of the arguement have very valid points and there isn’t an easy answer. The reason then that people get pissier and louder when arguing this point may not be because they feel they have to be right, but because they feel their point of view needs to be validated.

Imagine you are arguing your “side” of any “gray area” topic and the discussion gets more heated as you go on. Now ask yourself, what’s really important to you, being right or your opinion getting validated. Does the opposing view needs to suddenly stop and drop their perspective and say “yes you are right” (ok thats always nice to hear, but hear me our) Or…would you feel better if the opposer simply said “I still dont agree with you but you bring up several good points”.

If they said that to you. Would you continue to be argumentative? No I doubt it. You would most likely stop, maybe even be shocked, but now what’s left to argue about? Turn the situation around and the same applies. It’s tough to argue with someone when the point has been made that you both make a valid arguement and will agree to disagree. AND THAT LADIES AND GENTLEMAN IS WHY THE PEOPLE MAKING THE RULES OR LAWS ARE CONSTANTLY BICKERING, BECAUSE IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO AGREE ON A “GRAY AREA” TOPIC AND THERE ARE MANY.

We can all easily agree that red means stop. Therefore that is not a “gray area” topic.  That’s black and white, easy to understand, easy to explain.  If a man kills a man by shooting him in cold blood, thats black and white. Everyone easily agrees it was wrong and the killer should be punished.  The “gray area” is what should the punishment be?

So does that mean then that when someone dies because of the action of another whether purposeful or not, someone needs to be punished and the punishment should always be the same? Aahhhhh, “gray area”.

The COVID situation, wear masks yes or no, who should and where should they is not easy because there’s nothing black and white about this new crisis.  There are so many different opinions, different situations, so many unknowns, I think we can all agree nothing about COVID at this point is certain. That is why I say the situations about COVID that people are arguing and/or disagreeing about is nit only a “gray area” but a scary “gray area”.

Now there are some people that will argue just for the sake of arguement that there is no such a thing as a “gray area”. My answer to those is, “Ignorance is bliss”. Therefore I believe that people get overly argumentative when there is no black and white to try to drive home their interpretation and no one wants to be wrong. Hence if we all do our best to validate others opinions and/or feelings we will all be able to acknowledge each others views by validating their right to their view without argueing anout who’s right. The end result being less fighting, less smack talking and more compassion and understanding.

Yes this is my opinion, yes I know I am just me and many, maybe even most, won’t agree with me. But this is how my mind works and by sharing perhaps I can reach someone and make a difference for somebody. Worst case, I give you a good read to laugh at. 🙂

Next time a discussion starts to get heated because of different points of view, I challenge you to acknowledge the other persons opinion and validate for them their right to feel that way instead if arguing with them about who’s right and why. I believe you will pleasantly find that it brings the discussion to a new level and a new respect will be present. It always comes back to compassion, and more of that is what this world needs.

Published by Dazedmother

I'm a middle aged working woman. I have raised four boys of which my baby is 17. Motherhood began at age 17 for me. For 30 years every choice I've made was as a mother. This past year, two of my sons have decided life is better without me. I'm a mom, a grandma, a wife that was divorced and now remarried. Here I am, still trying to figure out this thing called life.

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