Validate

There’s that word again.  Why do we think we need to be validated?  Speaking from the viewpoint of a self loather the need for others to validate not so much me, but my ideas is much greater than it should be. In fact, some days it makes the difference between a good day or a bad day. But make no mistake, validating me and humoring me are two complete different things and I know the difference.

I find that there are times when I want to make certain that someone knows I hear their need or I understand what they are saying, I will actually use the words, “I am validating your feeling of….” Now there are two reasons behind that.

*1. I want them to know without any uncertainty. *2. I understand the feeling of that need or even simply understand the feeling of relief when you know someone has validated your feelings and I want to give that gift.

Yes, I think giving someone that “validation” is a beautiful gift. Even if people say they don’t NEED others to validate their feelings or ideas, they are lying if they say they don’t like it or that it doesn’t make them feel good. That’s like saying it doesn’t make you feel good when someone compliments how you look on one of the days you made a special effort.

Some people will reply to this with “you dont need others to validate anything”, but we will touch on that mentality later.

As a whole, we have become people that are so worried about being right, so certain that everyone is trying to screw us with the I’m going to “screw them first” mentality that compassion and simply BEING NICE has fallen to the wayside. Maybe we shouldn’t feel the need for validation, but we do. I suggest then that instead of teaching every person to not worry about what others think, maybe we should spend more time teaching compassion and BEING NICE.

There’s another concept, maybe humanity has gotten so rude and selfless because instead of teaching manors and respect for others, we started teaching “don’t worry about what others think” “take of yourself, if you don’t no one else will”. True, we do need to take care of ourselves, but I wonder if when that became the great advice, is the same time rude and selfless started to get out of hand. Hmmm, something to think about.

I’m going to investigate this a bit further. Follow me. Years ago you rarely heard of children disrespecting their elders. In fact we were taught to show our elders the utmost respect. To this day I generally have a certain “they are above me” mentality about for elders, whether I know them or not. I tried to teach my own children that as a rule to live by, but society as a whole teaches the “Its all about me” mentality that it may not matter what mom or dad teaches.

Ha, perhaps this is a horrible comparison, but maybe it’s like, at the animal shelter they ask you to consider the older animals because the younger ones will have so many more opportunites. Just another thought zipping through my never quiet ADHD brain.

When I have shared my “BEING NICE” to everyone concept it saddens me to say, even some people of my generation replied with, “Fuck that. Who gives a shit what other people think”, “Why? Everyone else is mean and shitty, why be nice, no one else is”, and I won’t forget “oh, you’re one of those everyone gets a ribbon people”.

First off, NO I do not think EVERYONE should get a ribbon. For the record, I’m all about competition and rewarding the win. A pat on the back accomanied with a “maybe you’ll get it next time” is what the others get. That’s what creates drive and ambition, but there’s another days blog.

In a giant nutshell, I challenge you to specifically validate someones idea or their maybe your spouses feelings during a disagreement. And bigger yet, I challenge to you to go the extra step and nicely let them know you that you are or do. In general, practice compassion and BEING NICE to others, to everyone, if you all do this, imagine how many peoples day or life even you could change, including your own. How do you want to be remembered? What imprint do you want to leave in this world when your gone? Don’t wait for tomorrow, because you never know when your, or their tomorrow won’t come.

Published by Dazedmother

I'm a middle aged working woman. I have raised four boys of which my baby is 17. Motherhood began at age 17 for me. For 30 years every choice I've made was as a mother. This past year, two of my sons have decided life is better without me. I'm a mom, a grandma, a wife that was divorced and now remarried. Here I am, still trying to figure out this thing called life.

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