To My Dearest Love

From day one to today so much about me and my life has changed.  I’m no longer as independant, or as much the “me against world” girl that I used to be.  I am more fragile, I am uncertain, it’s no secret that I have become an emotional/mental mess much of the time.  I wantContinue reading “To My Dearest Love”

Breath taking

I couldn’t catch my breath. The initial excitement and shock-n-aw was over and there I stood in the kitchen with supper cooking on the stove, tears streaming down my face so hard I couldn’t see. My heart pounding, my hands shaking, gasping for breath as I cry so hard my body forgets to breath. MyContinue reading “Breath taking”

Validate

There’s that word again.  Why do we think we need to be validated?  Speaking from the viewpoint of a self loather the need for others to validate not so much me, but my ideas is much greater than it should be. In fact, some days it makes the difference between a good day or aContinue reading “Validate”

The Corona Fear

Are you scared? Even just a little? Are you uncertain? Does all of this feel surreal? I am. I am scared. I am uncertain. To be quite blunt this feels extremely surreal to me and I am scared A.F. I try to stay informed with the facts and try to steer clear of all theContinue reading “The Corona Fear”

Showing Substance

What could possibly justify the act of intentionally embarrassing or humiliating someone? Let’s get more specific, what could possibly justify the act of intentionally embarrassing or humiliating someone you love? I can’t say that I am innocent of committing this act against someone, however I can say with a clear conscience that I haven’t intentionallyContinue reading “Showing Substance”

Leave No Unfinished Business

Its 5:30AM Friday morning, In the past week I haven’t slept more than 16 hours total. This is the 3rd time in the past two weeks that I’ve been up the entire night. I can’t sleep. The more sleep I lack, the more places my mind goes. A middle aged woman died from the virusContinue reading “Leave No Unfinished Business”

The Opportunity to Live what I Learn

I have learned I can love from a distance. Tomorrow it will officially be 1 year since I’ve seen or heard my sons voice. He’s not dead, he’s not in a coma, he’s not in another part of the world. He’s right here in the same city living 3.3 miles away from me, but heContinue reading “The Opportunity to Live what I Learn”

When Is the Time Right

When does the responsibility as mom go from the main support role to the supportive role? 18? 20? 25? I mean, I dont feel like a mom should just disappear when a kid turns 18. Because my 29 and 28 year olds banished me from their lives a year ago, after I gave more money,Continue reading “When Is the Time Right”

That Ugly Four Letter Word

I am not a first. I am not his first. Hell I’m not even in his first ten or twenty but I am his last, or at least that’s the plan ie my hope. A sensitive subject for many people, especially sensitive for low self-worth people, is their spouse or significant others past. Let meContinue reading “That Ugly Four Letter Word”

Another Beach Lesson

Today is a new day. Are you going to the beach, or are you bringing it with you? When I say “Going to the Beach”, if I’m not lucky enough to actually be on the sugarsand, I’m taking time to myself, concentrating on me, closing my eyes and envisioning myself on the 5th floor balconyContinue reading “Another Beach Lesson”